fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
