i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
