She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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