well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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