I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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