he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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