There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
