I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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