this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fuck appropriateness.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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