It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
