I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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