why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
