you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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