woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
