I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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