I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
