he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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