...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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