Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
