dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im holly from the hills drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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