Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
