An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
