I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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