Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
