Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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