i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
