i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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