apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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