Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
