i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
