just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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