I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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