I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
