I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
