So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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