lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
