Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
