so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
