You're so nebulous sometimes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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