You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
