I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
bring money and cleavage
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
