oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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