No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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