apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
