how can u be prego again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
