after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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