This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
