So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
