you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are the jesus of drinking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
