ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
