i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
