Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
